Yesterday, I was snuggled up on my couch drinking coffee, thinking about you. Wondering if you’ve ever looked back at those moments where your life took a massive turn.
You know the ones where you didn’t see it coming? Where you felt almost desperate for change and then “poof” all of a sudden, someone said the words you needed to hear and life as you know it was never the same.
Today, I want to share one of those moments in my life and how it relates to you.
I was 21 years old when I had “The Conversation” with my parents that changed my life forever. I’d struggled with a severe, nearly deadly eating disorder through all of my adolescence. I was in and out of hospitals and saw a team of doctors on a weekly basis.
After ten years of battling myself, I was back on the road to recovery, but by no means out of the woods.
One day, My dad looked at me while I was cutting my food into tiny pieces in our dining room and said,
“Ash you can keep doing this, keeping yourself in this prison you’ve created or you can finally understand you’re the only person that has the power to choose your thoughts. No doctor can do that for you. If you would just pour 30% of this energy that you’re using being so hard on yourself into something positive, you could do anything. You could be a rocket scientist if you wanted to. ”
At that exact moment I rolled my eyes, annoyed, and said, “I don’t want to be a rocket scientist.”
(Funny side note, my dad worked at Cape Canaveral and was a rocket scientist at the time, so inwardly I laughed at the irony.)
Yet all of a sudden for some reason in that moment, even though he’d said some variation of this to me a hundred times, a lightbulb when off in my head, “Holy shit, he’s right.”
My thoughts and the actions I took from believing them were slowly killing me. I was looking for love in all the wrong places. I believed, if I worked out enough, ate perfectly enough, looked good enough, fit into a box enough, maybe I would finally feel worthy of being loved and loving myself.
But, Mama we allllll know this isn’t where love lives.
This was fear trying to run the show.
Yet, how was I going to change? I’d been immersed in this world of pain for 10 years.
This is when my mom swooped in being the sweet artist woman she is and said,
“Now Ash, every time you have one of those negative thoughts, I want you to visualize your happy place. Imagine sitting on a beach where you feel so relaxed and happy, then focus on a uplifting thought. Choose one that’s the exact opposite of what you’re telling yourself that feeds the disorder. Feed positive thoughts about yourself. Then give them more of your energy. Hold onto that hope to move you forward.”
JUST like that, the catalyst was revealed.
They had no idea, how radically everything was about to change.
From that point forward I became obsessed with learning how to turn my life around.
I studied spirituality, the power of positive thinking, law of attraction, quantum physics, everything and anything I could get my hands on to help me learn how to change this way of being.
The doctors I saw in the many hospitals I lived in for months at a time told me, I’d always have a trace of an eating disorder, I’d always have a little bit of struggle with food.
I was determined to prove them wrong and I’m happy to say I did. I’ve been fully recovered for over 13 years now. It didn’t happen overnight. I had to learn how to take care of myself like my life depended on it, because it did.
I created a lot of tools and practices along the way, that helped me break patterns of thoughts that led to hurtful behaviors. I decided to drop the labels of an eating disorder and place my focus on being healthy. I learned how to actually love my body, an idea that felt like a total myth for years.
It was a moment by moment process, staying consistent and continuing to feed the hope that I could radically change my life kept me focused.
I was determined to create a life far beyond what my imagination could even comprehend; where I was overflowing with joy, where I could handle stress and knew my gifts. Where I experienced true love and had a deep knowing of what I’m here to do in this world. This is what helped me eventually, create just that.
As I healed, I freed up so much of my energy and started to discover what I was really passionate about. Eventually my focus went towards career and since I tend to dive right into most things I do, I dove into entrepreneurship.
Now, my career is about helping women remember who they really are as they uncover their purpose and dive into their passions; so they can feel fully self expressed in all areas of their life, including their career.
Voila, Now you know on a deeper level why I love my work, because it saved my life. It also helped me create a career that’s more fulfilling than I ever could have dreamed of.
We all have moments of crippling doubt. We all experience times where we feel super disconnected from ourselves and lost about the direction we want to take our lives.
The best and scariest part, is knowing it’s up to us to slow down and listen to what’s going on underneath the fear. What our hearts are trying to tell us.
We’re the only ones who get to choose, in every given moment, how we’re going to use the power of our thoughts and our unstoppable energy to create what we want in life.
My questions to you are this, Mama.
What are you holding back from, that deep down you know you really want? What stories are you telling yourself that keep you feeling small and not worthy of creating your dreams? How much longer are you going to give in to them?
Today, is the perfect time to start telling yourself a new story about what’s possible.
I’m over here rooting you on, believing in you every step of the way. Knowing that you’re capable of creating anything, yep, I mean anything, that you can imagine.
Remember this quote, “Your imagination is everything. It is the preview of life’s coming attractions.” Albert Einstein
Turns out he was a smart dude.
If you’re ready to take the deep dive in making those dreams of yours a reality, I have a few spots available in my one on one coaching programs.
Email me firstname.lastname@example.org and let’s book your free clarity call, so you can take action on believing in yourself and what you’re capable of, today.
PS – Share this via email with someone who could use a reminder, they’re capable of anything.