I Didn’t See This Coming

I was shocked by how many people could relate to this…. 

A few days ago I wrote a realllllly vulnerable post on Instagram, the kind that just poured out of me and felt raw. I shared this intimate experience because I had a feeling if I could experience such deep healing from something that was SO out of the blue (like, “holy shit that came outta nowhere”) then maybe someone else out there could too. 

What I never could’ve expected was just how many people could relate. 

Which got me thinking. We’re all the same. Sure, we’re going about life in different ways, with different points of view, different trauma’s, different desires, different challenges. But at the end of the day, we all simply want to love and to be loved. We all want to heal from the shit that’s brought us to our knees. 

We all want to feel hope and happiness on a regular basis. We all want to know we belong.

What’s wild to me, is how that very healing we desire, can show up in the most unexpected ways and create a level of freedom we never knew was possible. Incase you haven’t read the post, I thought I’d share with you. I hopes that it may be helpful for you, or someone you love. Here it is. 
 

This blindsided me. 

I saw A Star Is Born with my hubby a few nights ago. 
Like many people, I thought this movie was incredible. 

What I wasn’t prepared for was the wave of emotions (mostly uncontrollable tears) that followed for the next 48 hours. 

Healing comes in the most unexpected ways sometimes. 

In my experience that’s when it’s most powerful – because you didn’t think you’re way through it. You felt it. With your whole being. 

I want to share all of the details with but honestly, it’d be way too long. 

So here’s cliff notes of how this movie healed me. (I hope it’s helpful for you.) 

Until I saw the love those two characters shared and how trauma shaped the way they showed up in the world, I hadn’t realized the secret I was keeping. 

It was buried so deep inside me, I didn’t even know it was there. 

Since my brother died 9 years ago, I’ve kept some of the people I love most at a distance. Not really, fully letting their love in. As if that’s not heartbreaking enough to realize, I woke up knowing WHY I did that. 

Because no one will ever love me the way he did. 

I was carrying around a story, that no one will ever be who he was in my life, a soul mate. 

I weeped as I realized how deeply this story had affected my life.

So, I had a little convo with my big bro and begged him to help me understand.  

Here’s what he told me, 
“You’ve gotta let go Ash, so you can let the love in. Let the people who love you, LOVE the way they know how. Let that be enough. The bond you and I share will never fade.” 

Balling. 

If I let myself compare others to him, I’m never seeing them for who they really are. So, it’s time to embrace our bond for what it is now.  Open my eyes and heart to the people right in front of me. Love them completely and let love in, more than ever before. 

I know, it’s a lot. At least it is for me and maybe for you – if you can relate. 

Here’s what I know now. This wave of healing has created more freedom inside me than I’ve ever felt. Ever. 

Moral of the story, let’s keep our eyes, ears and hearts open to the unexpected ways our souls can heal- especially when it’s messy, heartbreaking and confusing. It rarely comes in any other form.

All love, Ash

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